Dipped my toes in the warm Pacific Ocean at Seaside last weekend and spent some special times with aunt Deanna from Brazil. Even though I still had the emotional impact left over when I lived with my mom, who was Aunt Deanna’s sister, and the feelings I faced with mom’s suicide in the month of February, which still needs to be resolved, I felt healed in my aunt’s presence. I was looking forward to another year of creativity and inspiring, and more rainbows to catch and dreams to come true. I requested the sun for my birthday this February and got it. Being near God and nature at the ocean where I visit each year on my special day, helps me to work out my problems and to reach a better state of mind, as I live with the disease of schizoaffective disorder. I seem to be doubly affected by grief and paranoia in February. But, my mom has been gone for twenty-seven years. Many questions were unanswered, yes. Yet, twenty-seven years is along time. And certainly I don’t have the same reaction to her death as I did when she died. I have grown and changed, and I found a good medication that works in my system. I think clearly, remember the good and bad, and rationalize well. Right now, I have the best of both worlds, (a husband, support system, and doctors), and I must give myself a brake. The past is past. I want to help people be better and at the same time keep well myself. This is the best anniversary I celebrated in a long time.